


Kravitzzimo

by starlightwalking



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: (a little? does it count if one of the people is sort of yourself?), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Puns, Dopplegangers, Eighth Bird, M/M, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Self-cest, Two Kravitzes, Voyeurism, eighth bird kravitz, fic of a fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 16:10:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19749193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightwalking/pseuds/starlightwalking
Summary: Kravitz's feelings about Taako are complicated, but his feelings about his doppleganger are even more so. Things come to a bit of a head one night after some drinks.





	Kravitzzimo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Buffintruder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buffintruder/gifts).
  * Inspired by [A Tale of Two Kravitzes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18437099) by [Buffintruder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buffintruder/pseuds/Buffintruder). 



> This is a fic of a fic, Buffintruder's ["A Tale of Two Kravitzes"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18437099/chapters/43675220)! You don't have to read that fic to understand this fic, I'll explain the premise below, but you should read it because it's a great story!!  
> Basically, the premise of the AU is that Kravitz is the eighth member of the IPRE, but also the Reaper Kravitz of Faerun exists, and they meet and things in canon go differently. I'm the Beta reader for that fic, and I kept threatening Buffintruder that I would write polya!Taakitz with both the Kravitzes getting with Taako if they didn't, and I finally got around to it!  
> This is kind of a belated birthday present for them, but also it's definitely something I'm more interested in than they are, so expect some other stuff for that too :) Love you <3

Dead people don't get drunk. At least, not in the same way living people do. In his tenure as the Raven Queen's emissary, Kravitz had accustomed himself to this new reality, where "tipsy" meant only a slight, almost imperceptible slowing of the reflexes, and the same amount of alcohol that would have killed a living person only served to alter his mood one way or another.

So when after the apocalypse, the Eight Birds invited him and some of their other friends out for drinks, Kravitz thought he knew what he was getting into.

It was never as fun watching people get drunk as it was actually intoxicating yourself, but Kravitz managed to have a good time anyway. Mostly he hung out with his doppleganger, Taako, and Taako's twin, Lup, who was also (through a series of events that was _bound_ to cause trouble in the very near future) dead but still drinking. Well, sort of. At least Kravitz had a body.

"Bet I could teach you a few tricks, Skeletor," Lup bragged. "Been a lich for—for a hot few decades."

Kravitz laughed. "Sure, maybe. But I've been dead for centuries, you know."

"Pssh." Lup waved her hand, phasing through Barry's body briefly. "But you've been following _rules_ that whole time."

"It's way more fun our way," Barry teased. He was still alive, technically, but Kravitz could see the red glow of lichdom around him. He itched to reap them both, but they were so _nice..._ And they _had_ saved the planarverse... And they were Taako's _family_.

Taako. Kravitz let his eyes drift over to where Taako and the other Kravitz, his doppleganger, had not even allowed the copious amounts of alcohol they were consuming prevent them from making up for lost time. Now that they both remembered their Stolen Century and the bond they'd forged then—Well. Kravitz didn't exactly blame them for all the making out they were doing, even if it was a little obnoxious...not to mention unsettling to watch, at least from his point of view.

Taako was...Hm. Complicated. If his doppleganger wasn't there, Kravitz had a feeling that he'd have let whatever latent attraction between them turn into something...less latent and more blatant. Taako was certainly attractive, and after learning everything about him during the Century, Kravitz couldn't help but being a little bit in love with him in particular out of all the Eight Birds—but the thing was, his doppleganger _was_ there, and Kravitz's feelings about _him_ were even _more_ complicated.

Their lives had taken such different paths, from the moment that their families were torn apart. Kravitz didn't understand _why_ the planarverse had allowed two of him to exist at once—he had a feeling it was somehow connected to why Merle seemed to have relatives here in Faerun—but well, here they both were. Except Kravitz had died and entered into the Raven Queen's service, where his doppleganger had lived and joined the IPRE.

Kravitz thought he had conquered his anxiety after he died, but no matter how he denied it, it still bubbled up within him now and again. And in this moment, watching Taako kiss and grope and cling to this alternate version of himself, he felt it come back in full force...mixed with a weird feeling of arousal as he watched what looked like _himself_ reciprocate Taako's affection.

"Yo, Bone Man," Lup said, snapping him back to reality. "You good? You've been staring at my brother and his beef for an _uncomfortably_ long time."

"Might have to start calling you _Boner_ Man soon," Barry quipped. Lup laughed, while Kravitz was grateful the shadows hid his flush.

He shook his head, wishing for the first time in a long time that he could get as drunk as a living person. "I'm—well, how would you feel watching _yourself_ in this situation?"

"You might look a lot like him, but you're _not_ him," Lup pointed out. "I think I like you, Kravitz 2.0, but you've got a whole different history without any of us in it."

"Until last year," Kravtiz murmured. "At least with those two..."

* * *

As the night wore on, people went their separate ways. Lup and Barry vanished first, leaving Kravitz alone with his immortality and the too-accurate nickname of Bone(r) Man.

As everyone else trickled away, Kravitz was left with the responsibility of escorting Taako and his doppleganger back to their place. They were drunk as hell, and while Kravitz had gotten himself as inebriated as possible, he was still the most sober person around and also the only one who could teleport. "Designated driver" didn't quite apply to ripping holes in the fabric of the planar system, but he did what he needed to.

Taako and the other Kravitz had rented a ridiculously expensive apartment while they searched for an even more ridiculously expensive mansion somewhere scenic. Kravitz would have raised an eyebrow at its extravagance, but this was Taako we're talking about, and besides, didn't they deserve some opulence after everything they'd gone through?

Kravitz helped the couple up the stairs and into their bedroom. The other Kravitz immediately sprawled on the bed and let out a yawn that ended in a burp. Taako stood staring at his reflection in the mirror, muttering to himself.

"Are you alright, Taako?" Kravitz asked.

He squinted, glancing between Kravitz and his reflection. "Think I'm...look funny."

Kravitz peered closer. "No, you look fine. I mean—not just fine, you're gorgeous, obviously, but that's normal for you—"

"Did the Disguise Self spell wear off?" the other Kravitz said, his voice muffled by the mound of blankets he'd piled around himself like a nest.

" _That's_ it," Taako exclaimed. He lifted his KrEbStAr and tried to cast the spell again, but the staff only coughed out a bit of sparkles. "Aw, dammit. Outta spell slots..."

"You're just going to bed," Kravitz said, gently moving him away from the mirror. He hid his surprise that Taako even needed such a spell, knowing it wasn't any of his business and also not a good time to ask if it were. "Come on, Taako."

"Wanna look good for you," Taako whined, resisting. "C'mon, Krav, lemme try again—"

"You look amazing, Taako," Kravitz said softly. Taako gave him a look like a sad puppy and his heart squeezed. He knew Taako probably meant to give those eyes to his actual boyfriend, not the weird Reaper double of his boyfriend, but Kravitz was affected all the same. "The only thing that would make you look better is a nice, long, relaxing sleep."

"Don't _wanna_ sleep," Taako complained, going limp in Kravitz's arms. "Wanna—wanna...kiss you, Krav. Wanna make out. Wanna fuck. Don't call us Cuatro Horny Boys for nuthin'—"

Kravitz was uncomfortably aware of his doppleganger lying on the bed, probably passed out already. He was just as uncomfortably aware that Taako's proposition was attractive as fuck. Almost as attractive as Taako was, even drunk and tired and without the Disguise Self spell. But Taako had a boyfriend who _wasn't_ him no matter that they shared the same face and name, and he was drunk anyway and didn't mean any of this probably—

But before he could will himself to push Taako away, a pair of arms wrapped themselves around him and lips pressed into his and Kravitz lost all sense of who and where he was.

It had been so fucking long since Kravitz had been kissed. He barely even remembered the last time—it had been before he died, so literal centuries ago. The feeling of being this close to another person, and that person being _Taako_ , short-circuited his brain enough that he stood frozen in shock for a moment.

Taako must have been so out of it that he didn't notice, because next thing Kravitz knew _tongue_ was getting involved. He let out a muffled noise of surprise but couldn't hold himself back any longer. He leaned into Taako's touch, grabbing his hair and kissing back just as passionately, just as messily, just as warmly—

It was with a start that he realized that his hands and face, normally cold as death, actually _were_ warm. That realization flooded his body and soon he could feel heat rushing through him like a wildfire and his form reacted to Taako in ways he honestly didn't know it could.

He was dizzy as Taako pulled away, breathing heavily and smelling of booze. Taako hung onto him, burying his face in Kravitz's chest and mumbling words he couldn't quite make out. Kravitz clung to him, desperate for the touch he hadn't realized he'd been missing, never wanting to let go.

"Uhhh," said a voice across the room. "Mmm...Taako? Keats?"

The heat within him abruptly abated and Kravitz let go of Taako like he'd been electrified. Taako yelped as he stumbled backward, losing his balance and barely catching himself on the wall.

Kravitz had never been more horrified in his life. He'd just _made out_ with _Taako_ (from _TV!_ ) in front of _Taako's boyfriend_. And he couldn't pretend it was some sort of accident, or he hadn't known what was happening, because _he was the sober one_.

The other Kravitz stared up at them, lying on his stomach on the bed, his eyes wide as the moon. His mouth hung open slightly. One of his hands propped up his chin; the other had disappeared down his robes.

"I'm— _so_ sorry," Kravtiz stammered. "I, uh—"

"Is that what I look like when I make out with someone?" his doppleganger blurted out.

Kravitz froze. That was _not_ the reaction he'd been expecting.

Taako leaned on the wall, turning his head to take in each of the Kravitzes, biting his tongue as he thought. " _Ohh_ ," he said at last. "Wrong one. Oops." He giggled and let himself slump over back into Kravitz's arms— _not_ his boyfriend, who still lay on the bed watching in fascination, but the Kravitz he'd just made out with. "Knew something felt different. You're a little cold, hot stuff." He laughed at his own joke.

"That was...hot," the other Kravitz said, his eyes fixed on the scene before him. "Do it again?"

"A—again?" Kravitz held Taako gingerly, scared of doing something wrong, wanting desperately to hold him tighter. "Are you—are you sure?"

"I'm cool if you're cool, Kravitzzz," Taako drawled, drawing out the the _zzz_ in a way that made the hair on Kravitz's neck stand on end. "Both of you."

"I'm _so_ cool," the other Kravitz said, nodding enthusiastically. " _So so so_ cool."

"Krav?" Taako _purred_ , and Kravitz _moaned_ , and breathed out a " _Yes_ " and before he knew it he was kissing Taako again and the heat was back, but this time he was in control of it and he moved it to the parts that touched Taako, and by all the gods but especially his blesséd mistress he hadn't even realized but he'd _wanted_ this ever since the first time they met and Taako made that stupid joke about tentacles and his dick and he'd been more turned by that magic and the pickup line that he'd liked to admit, and now something was finally clicking into place like this was what was meant to be all along and Fate, Lady Istus herself, had finally got around to putting it all in place, and it didn't _matter_ that his doppleganger was thrown in the mix because he was alright with it, so Kravitz would be too.

Before he knew it Taako was sprawled on top of him and his robes were more than half off and on the bed his doppleganger was watching and reacting with undisguised enjoyment. Kravitz had his arms wrapped around Taako, and for some reason he was crying, and Taako sat up in concern and lifted him up until Kravitz was the one being held.

"Sshh, shh," Taako said between hiccups. "You good, Krav? You good? We can stop, I'm sorry, if it went too far—"

Kravitz took a deep breath, calming himself best he could. He wiped away his tears, leaning into Taako's embrace. "No, no, you're—it's fine."

The other Kravitz tumbled off the bed and crawled over to wrap his arms around the both of them. Kravtiz had made contact with his doppleganger before, but nothing like this, not the comforting embrace of a friend. Of a lover, perhaps, on Taako's count. And maybe...

"S'like that meme," Taako said sleepily. "Would You Fuck A Clone Of Yourself?"

Both of the Kravtizes froze for a moment, giving each other a long, wide-eyed look. Then Kravitz started laughing, and his doppleganger did too, and then Taako, until they were a pile of tired, giggling guys on the floor of Taako's fancy apartment.

"Like _I_ wouldn't," Taako said, "'spite being kinky on like, a lotta things, I actually _do_ have a twin, so that's a big No Thanks from the T-man, but uh. In theory for other folks I don't mind. What'ch'y'all think?"

"Dunno," Kravitz said, glancing at his doppleganger.

"I think you don't wanna answer and make it weird," his doppleganger said, "but like this _cannot_ get any weirder. I won't judge."

Kravitz flushed. Taako's ears flicked, and he patted Kravitz's cheeks and muttered, "Warm!"

"Yeah, maybe, I guess," Kravitz answered honestly. "I mean I was watching you two in the bar and, uh..."

"Yeah, watching you two here was. _Something_ ," his doppleganger said emphatically. "Can't be much different than masturbating, morally speaking, right?"

"Prob'ly not," Taako agreed. "Y'all wanna try? I c'n get outta the way, go somewhere else if you want."

"No," they both said at once, and then Kravitz said, "I mean, maybe, but you can stay—" as his doppleganger said, "Okay, yeah, but it's only fair you get to watch us too—"

"And I dunno about _fuck_ ," his doppleganger added. "But we could try kissing, if that's. Okay."

Kravitz nodded slowly. Taako wiggled out of the way but stayed close by, his catlike elf eyes glowing slightly in the dimly lit room.

Kravitz looked at his doppleganger for a moment, appreciating the handsome features. He knew he was good-looking, objectively, but never had he been so taken with his own face. His doppleganger wore his hair differently, not in Kravitz's own carefully-kept dreadlocks but shorter-cropped and natural like a halo about his head. He had scars foreign to Kravitz's own face, his nose was crooked as if it had been broken, and he looked to be a few years older than he'd been at his time of death.

But the similarities were so striking, it was like looking into a mirror, or seeing a long-lost twin for the first time. Except of the people in this room, Taako was the one who'd reunited with a twin, and he and the other Kravitz were practically the same person. Clone wasn't quite the right word, but it fit for the ethics of the situation.

Kravitz wondered if the similarities extended to the rest of his doppleganger's body. He realized, with a bit of surprise, that he was interested in finding out.

It was that thought that pushed him to reach forward, taking his doppleganger in a hesitant embrace, resting his head on the other Kravitz's shoulder. He felt his doppleganger stroke his hair gently, and Kravitz lifted his own hand to explore the neck of the man in his arms.

His doppleganger's dark skin was smooth beneath the robe he'd shrugged off part-way, and Kravitz leaned back so that their foreheads touched and stared at him through half-lidded eyes.

And then he tilted his head and their lips met. This was much different than kissing Taako—it was softer, slower, more hesitant. And he knew this face, knew where it curved and knew the feeling of his own lips, even if he'd never kissed them before. It was cool and pleasant and Kravitz found himself more at peace with the feeling than he'd anticipated.

They didn't kiss for long. When they broke apart, still holding onto each other, Taako was watching, his eyes still lit with interest.

"How was it?" he asked.

The other Kravitz opened up his arm, and Taako snuggled back in with him, but they didn't make any move to push Kravitz away.

"Weird," Kravitz said thoughtfully, "but...nice."

"Yeah," his doppleganger agreed. "What'd you think, babe?"

"Was sweet," Taako murmured, his eyes closed as he shifted to get more comfortable in the cuddle puddle they had formed. "Not the same kinda thing you two took turns watchin', with me, but good."

"I liked that," the other Kravitz said. "The watching. Never thought I had a thing for voyeurism, but it's different when one of the people is...me. At least, my brain looks at him and thinks it's me."

"Yeah," Kravitz agreed softly.

"Double Kravitz," Taako said. "Wait, reaper dude, were you a musician too?"

"A long time ago, before I died," Kravitz admitted. "I wanted to be a conductor, but Fate intervened."

"Should bring that up with Istus," his doppleganger teased.

"I'm in the Raven Queen's service," Kravitz pointed out, "and I love my queen."

"'Course, 'course."

"Two of you is like...so intense." Taako nuzzled Kravitz's side, sprawling across the two of them like a cat in sunlight. "Like we can talk 'bout this later, when we're all a bit more sober, but I can just _imagine_ how wet'n'wild we could get."

Kravitz started. "Haven't—well, I haven't even _kissed_ anyone in. Centuries."

"More like two minutes," his doppleganger said. "Anyway, you kiss just fine. Must be like, muscle memory."

"What I'm _saying_ is. What I'm _saying_." Taako yawned, eyes flickering open for a moment. "Is that having _one_ mega hot b.f. is fabulous. So having _two_? Double dose of the same thing? Hell _ooooo_? I'm not gonna say _no_."

Kravitz's heart jumped. "B.f.?" he said. "For real?"

"Hell yeah, if we're all down," Taako agreed. "Like maybe my feelings 'bout you were influenced by the mess of a relationship Krav and I had when we met you, but I always liked you, my good dude."

"I liked you too," Kravitz admitted. "Like you. I mean—"

"If I'm Krav, is he Itz?" his doppleganger wondered aloud.

Kravitz laughed so hard he started hiccuping, and Taako squirmed off him into the less wiggly embrace of "Krav." Now he wiped tears away from his eyes again, this time from amusement and not confusion.

"You can call me Keats, if you really want," he said, "but I am still Kravitz to myself."

"Whassit called when you have somethin' real loud in music?" Taako wondered. "You bard types oughtta know."

"Forte?" Kravitz suggested.

"More'n that."

"Fortissimo?" his doppleganger offered.

Taako snapped his fingers, sitting upright and leaning into Kravitz's face. "Yeah, that's it. My Kravitz, I mean the one I knew first, IPRE-Kravitz, he's Kravitz. And you, hot reaper man, my other Kravitz, you're Keats, just to keep you two straight, I mean gay, like super gay—"

"Super gay," his doppleganger agreed.

"And together, the both of you, you're—" Taako giggled at his own joke even before he made it— "you're Kravitz but again, and more of you, you're—" he laughed again— "you're _Kravitzzimo_."

Kravitz didn't even know how to respond to that, and he was getting more and more tired by the moment, so he just gave his Taako a sleepy kiss and snuggled closer to him. "Whatever you want, babe," he mumbled, and the word felt so good on his tongue.

His doppleganger snickered. "Kravitzzimo. You always did have a way with words. We should go back to Legato just to let them in on the joke, they'd appreciate it."

"It's mega loud Kravitz," Taako explained. "Or—the plural of Kravitz. I thought Kravii but this is _way_ funnier. Kravitzzimo."

Kravitz snuggled closer on one side, and the other Kravitz did the same on the other side, so that Taako was in between two Kravitzes—Kravii— _Kravitzzimo_ —he was in the middle of a Kravitz sandwich, and Kravitz could tell that was just how he wanted it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting!  
> You can find me on tumblr [@arofili](http://arofili.tumblr.com/) or on my TAZ sideblog [@aroburnsides](http://aroburnsides.tumblr.com/)!


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